I remember the first time I landed in foreign lands... everything seemed so NEW and different, nothing familiar to my "old world." I could feel in my body a mixture of feelings, excitement and fear at the same time... fear of not knowing what to expect, but also the excitement that fed my curiosity and desire to get to know “the new.” All the signs were in a different language I was not used to, all the different sounds I heard, some of them I understood, others... it just passed through my ears without making any sense to me. The signs on the road didn't tell me where I was going... I had no idea about the geographic location of my new house, I didn't know a lot of things. Have you ever experienced what it is like to not know anything and just watch the moments unfold in front of you? That is what I experienced when I migrated to an unfamiliar place I could not call home yet, that seemed so foreign for me.
But there was no time to think about the newness, because I was interacting with “the new” all the time. I remember meeting my husband's family for the first time and my body moved to greet them with a kiss- to express "nice to meet you" as I was used to do. They didn't kiss when greeting someone they didn't know, they actually didn't kiss, for my surprise. You can imagine the awkwardness of you trying to kiss someone and seeing the person’s face turn away. You stand there for a couple seconds, confused and ... Without having time to think, I was hugged, a not very touchy hug, but a hug. I felt confused, weird and not able to express myself. In a certain level, I felt framed to be in a certain way someone I was not. That wasn't me, or at least, I didn't know that "me" greeting people. In the new place, I wasn't supposed to kiss people when greeting them, at least not for the first time, if I was lucky enough to find someone who enjoyed the kisses of my cultural greeting. My kisses meant too much intimacy. In my culture, that was very normal, and it didn't carry the "too much intimacy," but surely expressed my pleasure to meet someone, with some affects, why not?
As time passed, I exercised learning the rules of the foreign land, not always very successfully, because my known "me" always was brought back. I remember how my body just betrayed my rational intention in a matter of seconds... as I intended to shake people's hand or to hug, when appropriate, and my body just moved almost automatically, jumping to kiss people. I have recollections of discomfort from those moments. But that was my way of greeting. It took me time to learn, I think I had to integrate this "other" way of greeting, so my kissing wasn't so automatic, but one expression of "nice to meet you."
I can't say I am used to stand my arm and shake someone's hand... sometimes it seems still very formal when it shouldn't be in certain situations, like when you are meeting your friends' friends. But that was only one way of greeting people. I got to learn that some cultures don't even touch each other.
It is only when you leave the comfort of knowing, the familiarity that living in "your place" brings to you, that you can learn new things and invite people to get to know you too. It is an invitation for the new, but the new brings the surprise, the fear of the new, but also brings an invitation for the encounter of the differences, an encounter that can also promote connection. After sometime, I felt less rejected, less framed and more opened for the new styles of greeting. I actually started to be surprised by some kissers, coming to greet me without me expecting it, and I got to learn "Oh, now you kiss to say hello!”
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